To Be romANTic
by ClarinetNinja1986
Summary: Olive knows what she wants but so much is holding her back. Folive


Hanging by a thread. That is pretty much how I would describe my current situation in my love life. As much as I wanted love, the pure kind we all dream of, the realization that I couldn't escape the past and the love would never last hit me harder than Chyna when she first heard that Fletcher liked me.

"_He can't like you! He likes me!" She screamed at me when she found out. I didn't want to retaliate and do something I would regret, so I just stood there and took the beating._

"_Well, apparently he got over you ignoring him and recognized the subliminal messages I was sending him. You know, having him take an empathy test, being somewhat close to him, that kind of thing."_

"_Yeah, well I'm not very happy about it. I swear, if you and him become a couple I will curse you both. It just wouldn't work out."_

"_Nice to know my best friend cares."_

"_Make that your former best friend, homewrecker!"_

I had to go see him in my next class. Photography. Ugh. I didn't want to hurt his feelings by saying I really did like him and that Chyna was the only reason I didn't want to be in a relationship with him. Then again, Angus was also a factor. He flipped out when he heard about Fletcher asking me out too.

"_You have to say no! You are a strong woman who don't need no man!"_

"_You're right, but this is one of the first times a guy has said he liked me!"_

"_I've said I liked you before!"_

"_Yes, but this is the first time I actually liked the person back. But seriously, what should I do? I'm scared that if things get too serious I might forget who I am."_

"_You won't forget. But you could be making a mistake."_

I'm a perfectionist and despise mistakes. Like if a cereal box is out of line on a store shelf, I will stop what I am doing and fix it. But I wasn't sure how I would fix Fletcher…I could worry about that later. Part of me said to go for the relationship, and the other half said to keep things the way they were. What to do, what to do…

All of a sudden, Fletcher came over. Part of me wanted to initiate conversation with him, but the other half made me want to run away screaming. What could I say to someone who I had just rejected?

"_Why don't you want to go out with me? The feels are there…they are even mutual."_

"_I'm sorry, it's just too risky. I like you, I just don't like losing my friends."_

"_They must not be your friends if they don't understand you like me."_

"_I know…I'm sorry."_

I took a deep breath and advanced towards Fletcher, trying not to subconsciously flirt. That is what I did sometimes, flirt with someone without even realizing I was. That's how Fletcher got the idea I liked him, cause I was advancing towards him.

_The movie was amazing, but not as amazing as having my crush next to me. I grew closer and closer to him until my head was essentially on his shoulders. He noticed that, and pulled me in somewhat close. It was a friendly distance, but we both wanted something._

I felt bad I had to take a step back and let him down. I always hated when people did that to me, and look, I was turning into something I hated. But it was for the greater good. I'm sure he would understand.

"_I really care for you, why can't we be more than friends?"_

"_Because you know I'm naïve."_

"_Yes, that's what makes you beautiful and strong."_

"_But at the same time it makes me ugly and weak."_

I knew that despite my efforts I was still hurting him. I was not pursuing a relationship so I could avoid the pain, but what was this stabbing feeling I had? I hurt him. I hurt myself. I hurt myself by hurting him.

_After he walked away I got this widespread pain and wanted to fall over. He was the same way. It was like both of our hearts had been poured out and then the mess had been left on the floor. A few tears rolled down my cheek and I realized I was a horrible person._

Maybe someday we will be able to pursue a relationship. Be happy. Content. Not a fear in the world. But first I need to grow up and Chyna needs to get a reality check. And Fletcher…well, he needs to wait. I know that when the day comes, he will be willing to take me in his arms and call me his. But first, a lot needs to happen.


End file.
